This is my love for you.

I am sitting here desperately trying to connect to the wi-fi. I woke up from a sad dream and I need contact with reality. It's around 4 in the morning and I am wide awake. I hate when I have a spell of dreams so vivid, sleeping becomes kind of scary. 

I am not expelling enough toxins. I know this, I have had this before. I have little bumps on my body and I think that all the water I drank yesterday is trying to wash me free. 

I haven't slept well in days and I may be reacting to the Lemongrass oil I've been using to cure my congestion. Our train leaves for Madrid at 6:45. If we miss it, I'll go the next day. I need to run. 

I have too much built up ness that I need to process. I saw a shoe store down the street and I know my way around Granada enough now to know where to go. I need to sweat, I need to exfoliate, brush my hair and shower. I need to find a bookstore, I need some colored pencils, I need to listen to all the music I wish was on my playlists. I would love to collage. I don't know what I would make, but a spiderweb just popped into my head. 




That could be cool. That could be done here.  I could sew it into the paper or I could use nails around a piece of wood with some string. 




(You know you are an artist when you miss the Home Depot.) 




I feel like I need to make a fraction of my time useful. It is interesting to meet people along the way that are waiting for passion to find them. They are good, smart, and valuable people, but comfortable with taking their time. I am not in a rush, trust me, but I've always been a fast walker. 

Maybe this is what I meant by missing multi-tasking the most...expelling the high strung creative side of me through serving, or bartending, or running, or collaging, or doing all of those things in one day. 

Writing has always proven useful to me, but it's only one outlet, and half the time it doesn't even leave your notes.

This Australian girl, who we met in Tarifa, is a Security Analyst in Milan (fancy)..."What do you do?" she asks. I tell her that, "I am an artist and I know how it can sound, but it's cool." She listens and says, "Oh, you sound self conscious about it."




(Naturally, I find her annoying, but she has made me think.)

I don't mean to make her seem mean, or demeaning, and I don't want to act like I was terribly offended or anything, but that never has crossed my mind. I see my description as though I have enough confidence in my art to defend it. I guess I don't want to seem like that person, waiting for their passion to find them. 

I just read this article about whether or not you are, "Waiting for your wish or living your dream?" I thought that it was a powerful idea and I still don't know. I think about my art studio and how alive it made me and now it's a place for Driver's Ed...someone else's dream. 

Maybe some of my pent up whatever-ness is due to that it's my time to choose if being an artist will be a wish, or a long lost dream. 

Spain has been beyond beautiful to us. Friendly people and amazing scenery. Granada was one of the coolest places I have ever been. Mountains on mountains overlooking an old cobblestone town. A place where castles, gypsies, and tapas are normal. We enjoyed wine and surprise dishes with each glass. The idea is so cool, social, and delicate. It's a time to spend with friends, food, and lots of laughter.

Madrid was cool too. Definitely more wide spread and populated compared to Granada. A beautiful hostel with comfy beds and a new friend, who we happened to call Mommy. A pub crawl showed us around town and a headache rose with the sun.

A short stop in Barcelona never hurt anyone, yet I am excited to go to France in the morning. We definitely didn't hold up our end of the bargain and have continued to eat bread...a lot of bread...but it's okay. We found some (tacky) running shoes that do the trick. 

We keep talking about doing laundry and planning out the next week or two, but it never happens. We pick a place and we go, accepting new "X's" on fresh maps. 

Accomplishments of many kinds will rest in our memories of Spain. A month of travel approaches and new countries welcome us. I am not self conscious this evening, but I am curious. Curious where this trip will take me and who it will make me. 

Ps. If my cousins are reading this, someone please tell Grandmom I have been thinking about her and I am at her house in my dream!!

P.s.s. I want to give a shoutout to Kristin. I love you, I am proud of you, and I am lucky to be traveling with you. Keep singing songs and you stay beautiful! (I feel and I fear and YOU CAN break away!)