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Just be glad to be here..

4/20/2016

2 Comments

 
If my creativity is lost, what am I accomplishing?

My heart is full, but my soul is drained.

Feelings like these follow big adventures.

I find myself coming back to this place when responsibility puts a wedge in the whirlwind, and life settles down for awhile.
It's been a year since my backpack and I have been on the go together and little did we know when we left for Asheville how fast the plan would change. Time has flown by. Between trips North for weddings and the consuming nature of working two jobs, I found myself saving in the fall for a road trip across the country, and saving in the winter for a sailing trip through the British Virgin Islands. Now I am back to all black frumpy waitressing clothes, reminiscing and just wondering....
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In a city that fosters imagination and art, how is it possible that I can't find the time to make any?

Every dream takes a different amount of time to achieve, and the inspiration of my person is lost in someone else's.

At some point it is important to admit frustration. Whether it be with patterns, habits, or the simple fact that every once in awhile your life and your wallet must recalibrate.
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How do you continue to seek inspiration when schedules are against you? Where do you turn, when you wish you were always readjusting your compass?

Living is the adventure, learning is the key, traveling is knowledge, and patience is time.

There is nothing more valuable then sitting and thinking of it all, right here, right now. If it weren't for now, I wouldn't be able to share what was. The prints of my fingers have touched the most beautiful sand, and the fishes of the clearest waters have welcomed me into their homes. My mind wanders and my body wishes to follow, but once again I must remind myself that there is nothing more beautiful than now. The ability to take a seat and reflect is almost harder than getting up and going.

It's more valuable to think than to live and it's more important to live than to overthink.

Productivity is important, but art is not forced. Stress is inevitable, and love is a gift
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As 11 months lingers I think of who I am now. Proud, happy, and longing of time to be my creative self.

As 11 months lingers, I send admiration for the old Ashley. A comfortable one, a powerful one. I think highly of her.

As 11 months in Asheville lingers, I concentrate on the patience of the sun and the moon. They spend their days working, knowing there is no break, no downtime. Day after day they preform the same task, yet manage to inspire creativity. This is what I must do, and respect that it might not be the project I dreamt about last night. That right now, it's not about me, it's about the foundations of who I am, and what I intend to accomplish.

I must find comfort that I will once again sit for hours and hours covered in glue, bouncing ideas around and transforming a piece of blank wood. But for now, and probably for another now, it is okay to take some pressure off myself and just be. Do my day to day tasks in appreciation that the sum of the past year is the most creative I've been.
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I watched the sunrise and sunset today. There isn't much a of a moon yet this time of evening, but it is somewhere out there...probably drinking a cup of coffee in preparation for its night shift.
The calm of this early evening reassures me that I am in a good place. The chaos of my life won't conquer my creativity forever and that in this moment I am confident in the Ashley that I am.
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2 Comments
Kristina Sandi
4/26/2016 09:47:53 am

I have a feeling this is going to come across as some sort of heady sermon but I felt obligated to comment because I feel you so much on this and the sharpness of these yearnings have been dulled for me by meditation. I tended to feel powerful only while moving, adventuring, seeking- and the lull that came after an excursion seemed so empty and lacking. Routine felt dismal....but what has resonated with me lately is that sometimes the seeking can become a distraction, a form of escapism that prohibits you from doing the self work we all need to do... and you can go through periods of equal and more intense growth while staying physically stagnant in one place. We are equipped with everything we need and sometimes the searching we need to do doesn't require moving an inch. Adventure is thrilling no doubt but there's so much to explore within your own psyche and that's the type of exploration that can be done within the confines of a busy schedule. We are a go go go society- we reward external accomplishments and the constant acquisition of MORE- Do more have more be more...but realistically that shits easy- it's the sitting still that's hard. I guess what i'm trying to say is that you can take advantage of this lull in the motion. Take time every day to legitimately meditate. Sit still turn inward and let yourself loose inside yourself - there's an endless bounty of inspiration in there. Real life sets no deadlines...there's no rush to create/produce. I wish we could meet for tea.

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Carol
4/26/2016 03:43:39 pm

So beautiful my sweetheart!

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